![]() (The four categories of decisions are covered in Chapter Five) Most adults do not realize that children are constantly making decisions about themselves, about their world, and based on those decisions, about what to do to survive or to thrive. I go on to ask, "What do you think the child is really thinking about?" The answers range from, "She is probably thinking about how angry at me she is," to "She is thinking about how to avoid getting caught next time" to "She may be thinking about how to get even with me" to, worst of all, "She may be thinking she is a bad person." None of these thoughts help a child do better in the future. A look of awareness appears on their faces when I ask, "Do you really think you can control what a child thinks? Larzelere, "When you call for a time-out and mean what you say, children will learn to listen.Many parents and teachers say "Go to your room (or to the corner) and think about what you did." I'm amazed that many adults don't know the answer when I ask, "Do you know why that is a ludicrous statement?" They come up with all kinds of responses such as, "The child might be too angry to think about it." "He might fall asleep." "She might not understand what she did wrong." All of these statements are true, but what is ludicrous is the assumption that we can control what a child thinks. ![]() How will you know if time-outs are working? If you start following these steps, within one to three weeks you should need to employ them less and less often. Once the timer goes off, the time-out is over, Dr. It doesn't matter if your child is still fidgety, sassy, or crying. Step 5: When the timer goes off, call an end to the time-out.Staying silent may require some practice, especially if your child says things like, "You are the worst mom in the world!" or asks questions like, "Why are you doing this to me?" and "Can I have a glass of water?" No matter what your child says or asks during the time-out, ignore it. During the time-out, do not talk to your child or make eye contact. Setting the clock for longer may make it harder to get your child to sit in a time-out in the future. However, recent research done by Timothy Vollmer, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Florida in Gainesville, shows that even brief time-outs of one to three minutes are effective, at least for children ages 3 to 5. Today, many parents use the "one minute for every year of a child's age" rule. Staats originally suggested keeping kids in a time-out until they stopped fussing, even if that took a half-hour. If you say things like, "I've told you about this a thousand times," "Now you are paying the price," or "I hope you are thinking about what you did," you are giving your child attention rather than removing it-and any attention, even negative attention, can act as a reward rather than a consequence. It's okay to offer an explanation before the time-out or after it, but not during it. (Many experts advise against sending your child to his room because he'll have toys, books, and other fun things there.) Resist the urge to lecture him. Time-out."), and escort him to a naughty chair. ![]() You might wait until your child is relatively calm, but briefly reiterate what he did wrong ("No hitting. If your child doesn't start cooperating within five seconds, proceed with the time-out. ![]() The best study found that a single non-repetitive warning before every time-out can reduce the number of time-outs needed by 74 percent, says Dr.
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